Lost Boy
by Echos of Blue
Summary: A short one-shot about Gabriel just after he ran away and about why he chose to become Loki. Inspired by the song 'Lost Boy' by Ruth B.


Lost Boy

8o8o8o8o

 _There was a time when I was alone_

 _Nowhere to go and no place to call home_

Gabriel sat with his back against a weather-ruffled oak tree. The angel had a grimace twisting his dirty face as he tried and failed to accommodate himself inside his human vessel. Gabriel had never before been in a vessel and he already longed for his heavenly form and the freedom it brought. He mourned the temporary loss of his beautiful golden wings, spreading out behind him and encasing his form with the power of Heaven.

Before, when Gabriel would look above himself he saw only the white, welcoming glow of Heaven shining down on him like the warm embrace of his Father. Now, as he lifted his amber eyes, he saw only dark clouds descending onto an already black night's sky. Soon, rain would fall again, the angel gathered.

They say that when an angel is in pain, the entire earth saddens. This night, the earth must be weeping, for one of Heaven's perfect archangels lays broken in an unwalked forest in an undiscovered world. All because another archangel betrayed his family and Father for the sin of love. A love that shone too great, too bright, and burnt away too quickly, like a candle burning from both ends.

Gabriel thought he was going to die from the pain when Michael fought Lucifer down into Hell. He could still hear Lucifer's desperate prayers to him, to anyone who would listen, that he was sorry. That it _wasn't me, Brother please! You know of my loyalty! I would - I would never! Brother, Michael, please stop! Please, I just want - I need - Brothers, Father, let me come home, I beg of you… I just want to come home..._

Gabriel pulled the choppy, blonde hair of his vessel in a bruising grip. Lucifer's voice rang clear and raw through Gabriel's mind. Why hadn't he tried to help… if he had only… Gabriel's shoulders shuttered. No, Father said that one day Michael would have to destroy Lucifer. Heaven's Morning Light was never coming home… and neither was Heaven's Messenger.

 _My only friend was the man in the moon_

 _And even sometimes he would go away, too_

Gabriel watched with a faraway gaze as the light of the moon filtered away as a large cloud overtook it. Odd, how a cloud so small could block out a moon a thousand times larger.

Gabriel had decided to count the moons that passed to keep track of time. That was until a hundred moons had risen and fallen. He then had asked himself what the point was. Why care about his time on the earth? It wasn't as if he had anything to lead him. He had no goal to move towards, no path to walk. He was alone in an untrodden land and angels were not made to be alone. Angels were made to love and to be loved. What was the world to do with an angel who promised never to love again? For as much happiness as love brought, it gave pain a hundredfold.

As Gabriel's eyes swept around the land, he wondered if his Father was watching him. Everything, even the grass twisted in Gabriel's fingers, was carefully crafted by his Father's essence. Gabriel could see it. He heard his Father's laugh in the tumbling stream water. He felt his Father's smile in the rays of sunlight. Each imprinted memory just made him feel more alone.

 _Then one night, as I closed my eyes_

 _I saw a shadow flying high_

Angels didn't need sleep, but Gabriel would close his eyes and pretend to be asleep. From the whispers he heard from humans, sleep led to dreams, both amazing and terrifying. Gabriel tried to imagine what a dream would feel like. Would he be in Heaven, with his brothers and Father?

Gabriel felt sadness constrict his chest once more as he realized that, to him, family would forever be a made-up dream. He needed a purpose. A reason for being alive. Before, his family was his reason for living. He lived to make his Father proud, to make his brothers smile. To watch every new brother and sister his Father graced them with live. His Father had made so many new angels; Dreyial, Aliafey, Hannah, Hesiel, Marahhan, Castiel… His family that he would never see grow.

It wasn't right, Gabriel decided. It wasn't right for his family to be so broken. This not only saddened Gabriel, but it also confused him beyond measure. Heaven was supposed to be all that was good and light but it was broken. How can good be broken? Father had said 'let there be peace', but there was only chaos. The Darkness was defeated but night still stole half the day.

Never before had Gabriel doubted his Father's word, but now he did. He doubted all he had ever known. Which is a dangerous thing, for a being with such uncontrolled power.

Gabriel opened his eyes and allowed them to fall on a mountain in the foggy distance. He knew, that all he would have to do is raise his hand and the mountain would crumble. He looked to the sky and knew he could snap his fingers and cause a storm that would level the forest. His eyes darted to the earth underneath himself and he knew a blink was all it would take to make the ground shutter and break.

 _He came to me with the sweetest smile_

 _Told me he wanted to talk for a while_

So Gabriel did. For the first time, his sadness left him and was replaced by something new. Something that Gabriel had never felt before. This new feeling burned his chest and fogged his mind. His vision seemed to be tinted red.

He didn't realize he was feeling anger until he was well on his way to destroying the forest. He _hated_ them, he realized. He hated Lucifer for _not_ following orders, he hated Michael for _following_ orders, he hated his Father for giving the orders, he hated Raphael for doing nothing… and he hated himself for running away.

Gabriel lost himself, his mind drifting from his body as - as _anger_ filled his veins, hot and vengeful. Gabriel's vision burned, his vessel melting away as his Heavenly form burned and his wings released.

Six golden wings, with feathers resembling daggers, fanned out behind him with such speed that they _broke_ the sound barrier. An encompassing clap of thunder filled the air as Gabriel stood in his full glory. Lightning crackled in the dusky air, lashing out, destroying trees and boiling rivers.

And suddenly, the forest was set aflame.

' _Peter Pan,' that's what they call me_

 _I promise that you'll never be lonely_

Gabriel felt _young._ He felt the elements and for once, he was standing in the midst of his own creation - his own chaos. He was destroying what his Father had created - or at least a part of it. And, by Father's light did it feel good.

It felt like revenge, giving his family what they deserved. He once showed them the infinite laughter he could bring. Now, he showed them the equivalent _rage._ Rage, he found, wasn't something that left as easily as laughter.

With his rage, he showed his Father that he was no longer loyal, that he was lost. He was no longer an angel of the lord. He ensured that his Father understood the destruction of the forest mirrored that of his family. It was only fair - to make them feel the loss he did - it was their just deserts.

 _And ever since that day…_

Gabriel was the only angel who ever understood why humans call his Father vengeful. Probably because he seemed to inherit that trait. It felt good to punish those who did wrong. And what better guise to do it under than that of a trickster? Humans, Gabriel had decided long ago, were a mistake on his Father's part. Humans, fragile things that dirtied the earth in the ever-going pursuit to kill each other, were the reason _his_ family was ripped apart by the seams?

" _There is just something so distinctly...human about them, my friend. These little creatures that have neither power nor set rules. With only a book they have named holy, written by sinners, to guide them with the hand of God."_ The god Loki had once told him.

Countless years on earth had stripped Gabriel of his naive nature and allowed him to carefully hide his past - and all the emotions that came with it. In all that time, with all that thinking, he decided he liked Loki. Or, the idea of him, at least. Which is why he had let the name Gabriel die and rise in the image of Loki.

Ah, the Battle of Loki, trickster against trickster, now that was a fight for the books… but, that was another story.

Yet, being Loki was much easier than being Gabriel. For one, Loki only had one brother who mostly left him alone. Loki was free… no one expected anything of him. Loki, bringer of just deserts to the idiots of earth.

Yes, Loki was perfect. Loki was exactly who he wanted to be.

He _was_ Loki.

Or, so he told himself.

 _I am a lost boy_


End file.
